*If you have taken every possible and impossible way of things going wrong into consideration and have backup and triple backup plans for every thing of course people will think you crazy, you will develop an ulcer and nothing will go wrong.
*When you have finally conceded the point that you are simply being paranoid and have started to relax the men in black will come and get you.
*If you have no life and are finally invited to a party, the party will be on the one night of the whole month when you actually have prior engagements you can’t get out of.
*If you have spent the day tutoring others on something, the moment the ’boss/teacher/other important person to impress’ gets around to check up on you, you have just had a meltdown and somehow, for the very first time, managed to fuck up what you previously could do so well.
*When you are joking, people will take you seriously. When you’re being serious -no one will believe you.
*The probability of the hottest guy/girl in the place actually striking up a conversation with you will be in direct proportion to how close it is to the time when you have to leave.
*If the hottest guy/girl you’ve ever seen asks you for a light, you’re a non smoker and don’t have one. You’re trying to quit, are having the shakes and snap at them. Your lighter just doesn’t seem to work no matter how cool you try to look while you click it again and again and a-fucking-gain!
*The best looking guys are always gay. The best looking girls are always taken.
*If you are never sick or ill, the chances of you catching a nasty cold or other unfortunate illness will drastically increase in proportion to how important it is for you to stay fit at just that moment.
*If you’re not one for gossip, but for once have said something bad about someone else the person you are talking about will be standing directly behind you.
*If you think you’re hot stuff, you’ll hear a rumor about what people REALLY think about you.
However if you think you suck you will immediately hear the opposite, but you will of course not believe it.
*Negative comments will always stay with you after you have forgotten the positive ones.
*If you act confident to cover how shy you are people will respect you too much to ask to hang with you. Of course if you act confident simply because you are, people will think that it’s just a mask and try and coddle you.
*If something in the back of your mind nagged you to do something, but you ignored that voice you will soon find out that you should have listened. If listening prompted you to bring something very heavy for a 10 mile hike you will never need that something and will have forgotten the thing you did need on the kitchen counter.
*Your commanding officer will always catch you napping.
*If you’re a model citizen and do something uncharacteristically illegal/stupid the law will come down on you with a vengeance to set an example. If you’re a hardened criminal you will get away with murder.
*If you’re a blushing virgin on a dare who tries to pick up a hooker, said hooker will be a vice cop.
*The person with a flag on their shirt in a clashing of racism/anti racism demonstration parties that you have summarily dressed down for five minutes for being a neo nazi will in fact be the chairman of the anti racism organization from across town.
*The person who asked you to hold the elevator whom you ignored because you were stressed out about your upcoming job interview will be the head of the company and the one performing the interview. Said head of the company will also be late to that interview because they had to grab the next elevator which got stuck halfway to the office.
*Adaptation of Murphy’s first rule: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong and at the most importunate time. Anything that can not go wrong will still go wrong just to spite you.
